It started when I was seventeen, I was heavily involved in the world of dance and my peers were, in my eyes, half my size. I remember the first time I tried it, I thought I had found the answer to all my prayers; I could eat what I wanted and not have to worry about the consequences. It didn’t take long to spiral out of control and before I knew it was binging and throwing up on a daily basis. No longer just the quick fix solution to my weight anxiety, it went down a dark and sinister path and I realised my issues went deeper than just trying to look good or stay as thin as my dancer friends.
Six years later and deep in the grip of this devastating illness I realised that it was time to get help. I reached out to several therapists but for whatever reasons none of them worked out, there was nothing wrong with any of them they just weren’t right for me. More years went by and bulimia was leaving a trail of destruction behind me; broken relationships, overdoses and damage to my body but I remained a slave to its power. I had always said that by thirty I would be a strong, independent woman whose life was going in a clear upward direction but when I turned thirty I was more insecure and ill than ever. I wanted to stop my habitual behaviour but it had become part of me and if I was honest the thought of not doing it filled me with as much dread as the thought of staying like this forever. I just wanted to be “normal”. My friends and family all knew what was going on but I was convinced that I was keeping my destructive habit a secret.
Finally, after spending a night in hospital recovering from my second overdose with my friend at my side looking worried and helpless, I decided to once again seek out the help that I so desperately needed. This final search led me to a wonderful therapist who literally saved my life but not only that she helped me to exorcise the demons that were lurking deep inside me, so that nearly fourteen years on I am still healthy and happy. My journey to recovery wasn’t easy and there were times when I thought about giving up but the bond that I had formed with my therapist kept me going because I trusted her and I knew that with her support I could do it. Finding the right therapist is like finding your soulmate; anything is possible and you don’t have to accept things the way they are if you don’t want to.
If you want to get help with an eating disorder, or any issue that is troubling you, fill out our questionnaire and get matched with your therapist. They are waiting to help you; you don’t have to go through it alone.
