Depression at any time of year can be debilitating but during the season of good cheer, merriment and celebration with family if you suffer from depression Christmas and generally the whole of the December build-up to the big day can leave you almost catatonic. You see everyone happy and enjoying themselves and your inability to feel the joy pushes you further into the darkness.
Even on regular days the thought of getting out of bed, washing, dressing and even making food can seem like an impossible task but when there is so much pressure to be happy sometimes your usual coping techniques aren’t enough. Here are some coping suggestions that might help you navigate the next couple of weeks and the coming year ahead.
- Get into nature
Immerse yourself in the great outdoors. It might sound like a cliché but getting yourself outside in the fresh air can do wonders for lifting that fog. If you are able to get yourself outside, go for a long walk in the crisp winter air by yourself and breathe in deeply and slowly. Look around and really see the beauty that surrounds you. Even if you are in the middle of a busy city there is beauty to be seen, you just have to look.
- Play a computer game/watch a movie/read a book/do a puzzle
Whatever your medium of choice, escapism can help when you are feeling the heavy weight of depression.
- Exercise
This might not be for everyone but if you usually like to exercise the power of an endorphin rush can be very uplifting – even if it’s just a brisk walk, enough to get your heart rate up. Whatever type of exercise you enjoy will get the blood pumping round your body which helps release tension and stress.
- Volunteer
Throughout the year, but especially during the festive period there are many charities that are looking for people to volunteer some free time such as Shelter, Crisis and many more (click here for more information on volunteering). Helping those in need can be as rewarding for you as it is for them.
- Connect with your emotions
Sometimes it helps to have a good cry, let it all out. Whatever you are feeling, try and sit with your emotions, often we think we are feeling one way but when we actually stop and really think about it we are feeling something different.
What is the difference between a low mood and depression?
For people who don’t suffer from depression it is hard to understand just how debilitating it can be and because of this it is often confused with just feeling a bit sad and blue.
We all have days where we feel low; we may have received some bad news, we may have experienced a loss of some kind but we know that at some point these feelings will pass and we will be able to smile again. For someone who has been diagnosed with depression they experience life in a constant low mood, without being able to see an end in sight. Tasks that most people don’t think twice about become mountains so steep they are impossible to climb.
How can I help someone who is struggling with depression?
If you know anyone who struggles with depression then it is likely that they are dreading the impending holiday season and you might want to consider reaching out to them and just letting them know that they have someone to lean on if they need it. Offer a listening ear and let them know they can talk to you without judgement.
You may find it helpful to research the condition and all it entails and let the person know that you have spent time doing this. Showing a willingness to properly understand rather than assume will mean a lot to the person you are supporting and it may also help you when approaching certain situations to not expect a particular outcome. You can let them now that you understand that depression isn’t their fault but if they do pull away or have a sudden outburst try not to take it personally, depression can play havoc with a person’s social skills and so being able to contain rejection or outbursts will stop you from reacting and help you care for your loved one with empathy and compassion.
If someone you are living with suffers from depression you may find it difficult to not get frustrated if they can’t manage their usual responsibilities i.e. going to work, helping out around the house, especially at this time of year when everyone is so busy in the build up to Christmas day. Try to not blame or push them – depression isn’t laziness it’s an illness. Understandably this can get frustrating especially if you have to then take on extra tasks and responsibilities which is why it is important for you to look after you own well-being. Take some time out for yourself, whatever pastime helps you to relax so that you can recharge your batteries. Living with depression is physically and mentally demanding on those who have it and those who live with someone with it.
What not to say to someone who is depressed
When we see people who aren’t happy or are struggling we often feel the need to try and fix the problem and whilst some platitudes are meant in the nicest of ways they can be unhelpful at best, patronising and ignorant at worst. Here are a few things to avoid saying when you are talking to someone with depression.
“Cheer up”
“Pull yourself together”
“Give us a smile”
“This too shall pass.”
“Let it go.”
“You’ll get over it.”
“You’re making a mountain out of mole-hill”
“It could be worse”
It is important that you don’t blame, shame or dismiss someone’s feelings. No-one chooses to have depression; it is a complex and often misunderstood illness that needs treatment and sometimes medication in order to recover from. No amount of flippant one-liners, however well intended, are going to “fix” the problem so the best thing to do is offer support and understanding.
Why don’t the festivities of Christmas stop someone from being depressed?
Unlike a low mood, depression isn’t something that can be switched off with some twinkly lights, mince pies and a family get-together. More likely these holiday traditions only worsen the feelings of depression because of the expectation of happiness. It is important to have patience and accept that things that you assume would make someone happy won’t necessarily have the same effect on someone suffering from depression.
We could all do with remembering that kindness, compassion and empathy towards everyone, no matter what anyone is struggling with, go a long way and you might just make someone’s day by offering a word of kindness.
