A Guide to Grief

Adults in Britain believe that the grieving process should last for no longer than six months (30%), with the national average sitting at 18 months max.

TherapyFinders found that 62% of Britons have experienced the death of a loved one, and more than a third (35%) have grieved through the loss of a pet. Alongside this, a further 29% have experienced loss through a romantic relationship ending, 18% through the end of a friendship, and 14% have grieved the loss of their identity.

For almost half, the research showed that people mainly suffered from feeling lost (43%) during grief, as well as depressed (38%) and lonely (38%). Despite these emotions, a fifth (19%) said they believe it is possible to completely ‘get over’ grief.

Every single person in the world will experience grief in some form during their lifetime and it is one of the most personal events that we go through. It is also a moment in life that can feel confusing and for some, the emotion we expect to have, is not the one we feel, and that’s ok.

There isn’t necessarily a time frame for processing grief – it’s an individual experience impacted by so many aspects of our life, that there is no one-size-fits-all.  This idea that grief should last a certain amount of time can often be destructive within family and friendships groups, people stop feeling empathy and start to think “they should be over this by now” often resulting in the grieving person feeling even more isolated and with no-one to talk to.

If you are someone who is struggling with grief, and whether this is a new emotion, or one that you’ve been sitting alongside for a long time, try and speak to someone you trust about what you are feeling.  Grief is such a common emotion that almost anyone you speak to will have experienced it themselves and you will often find comfort in sharing your experiences of grief.  Grief can be a powerful and sometimes overwhelming emotion that when interalised can lead to other conditions such as depression.  We commonly associate grief with death, but this isn’t always the reason for this emotion, we can experience grief through the loss of a job, a friendship or our identity and the feeling is no less important.

Some people have found great comfort in The Grief Wheel.  There are many forms of this, but they all essentially highlight the different stages of grief.  It offers understanding of why you are feeling the way you are at that moment, with hope that it will get easier.  

Tips on how to process grief.

 

• If you can, talk to someone about how you are feeling.  Try a close and trusted friend or family member or reach out to a professional talking therapist, who will offer you a safe space to process whatever it is you are experiencing.

 

• Journaling can be a helpful way of understanding what you are feeling if you don’t know what to write, start by just writing down whatever is in your head. It doesn’t have to make any sense but this can be revealing and can also help you to see where you are in your grief journey.

 

• If you have experienced a loss and have been unable to say everything you wanted to, to someone it may help to write it. You can even imagine that the person is in front of you and say the words out loud as if you are speaking to them.  This can offer people the closure they need, in order to begin the grieving process.  This can be a very effective technique for processing things that have been left unsaid or emotions that were kept hidden.  If you want to try this, we would recommend doing it with a trained therapist as they will be able to support you and guide you properly through what is called “Two Chair Work” or “Empty Chair Technique”.

 

• Try recalling happy memories, there is no shame in remembering someone with happiness and even laughter.

 

• If you are experiencing grief through the loss of a job or your identity, try reflecting on all of your positive attributes and the things that you do well. When we lose a job that we loved or feel unseen as the person we used to be, it can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy and not being good enough.  Positive affirmations can help boost your confidence and help you to make decisions or necessary changes in order to work through your grief.

 

• Don’t be afraid to cry – or scream if you want to. Acknowledge that you are grieving, allow yourself time and space to grieve.  Crying and/or screaming releases the emotion and gets it out of your body.  It also reminds you that you are a human being with a range of emotions and that is OK. Some people find screaming at the sea very cathartic and felt instantly lighter.  If you don’t live near the sea, try screaming into a pillow or let your tears wash over you like a comfort blanket. The release is powerful.