I’ve noticed in the last few months that many of my clients are in their 20’s, a time in my life that I remember as being turbulent, exciting but daunting. It’s a time when I was trying to work out who I wanted to be and where I was going – if indeed I was going anywhere! My friends seem to be settling down, or launching fabulous careers, having a ball, leaving home or staying happily put and I didn’t seem to be able to work any of this out! That was a while ago but even for people currently in their 20’s it’s a time of change. It can feel like your 20’s are a decade of mistakes, half finished projects, relationship disasters and false career moves. Relationships with parents can be strained as you grow and change and they age and seem more human. You try to assert your independence, everyone has an opinion and is happy to share and tell you what you should be doing or, worse still, what you are doing wrong.
With the clients who have found their way to me despite the issues differing, there are five themes they all have in common:- 1. Friendships, relationships and isolation Your 20’s can be a time when you have to move, for work, study or financial reasons. This can be living further from your core group of friends and trying to forge new friendships in a new town. Also relationships can shift, become more serious or there’s a realisation that you don’t have what it takes for the relationship to survive into adulthood. It may be that you are recovering from romantic rejection and finding it hard to trust again and let yourself be vulnerable. New connections are being made but some old connections don’t survive and it can feel very isolating. 2. Exhaustion and overwhelm Your 20’s are when you learn to adult! This can mean living away from home for the first time. Dealing with the shopping, cooking, housework and life admin at the same time as starting a new career and keeping up a social life. There are responsibilities, a career to build, rent to pay, a serious relationship to juggle and it can feel overwhelming. Add some heavy nights out into the mix and if you aren’t careful exhaustion can set in. Suddenly, self care seems to be important and that might not be something you’ve even thought about before. 3. Falling behind, compared to peers When you lift your head and look around it can feel like everyone else has it sorted. Phone calls home might be full of ‘news’ about this cousin’s wedding or that friend’s daughter’s promotion. Friends may have started having children or become very serious about work, even the cars they drive have changed. If this isn’t happening for you and it’s something you had in mind for yourself it can feel disheartening and your self esteem can suffer. 4. Career choices or decisions The degree or training you’ve done should come home to roost now as you start your longed for career. However, it isn’t as easy as you’d thought to find a good job. In fact, secure jobs start to look like unicorns as you realise it’s possible to lose your job through no fault of your own. Or maybe you’ve found the ‘job of your dreams’ and it turns out to be a bit boring and you aren’t excited by it. Or it’s really hard work and you aren’t sure if you are getting it right! How long do you give it before you think about an alternative? What will others say? And the last theme I hear is probably the biggest… 5. An existential crisis, Is time running out to have fun, I mean your 20’s are followed by your 30s when you are properly supposed to be an adult!. What’s the point of struggling in a job you don’t like or that doesn’t bring you joy, where you are treated badly, when a home of your own doesn’t appear to be the reward at the end of it. Parents are getting older and there’s a realisation that life is finite. Relationships feel impossible or overwhelming, wouldn’t it be easier to just be on your own? Is this what life will always be like? No wonder anxiety is rife and the black dog of depression lurks in the recesses of your mind.
How can therapy help with these issues? Working with a therapist gives you space to say all the difficult things that are on your mind. To unravel the mysteries of friendships. Talk through a romantic rejection with no judgement. You may want to make changes but aren’t sure yet where to start or how to go about it. Together my clients and I look at the pathway they want to take, think it through without being buffered by everyone’s opinions and expectations. Find their own voice and hopefully meaning too. Imagine feeling able to embrace your life and whatever the future holds. In my room you will be met with support, empathy and good humour. Someone offering you unconditional positive regard. I won’t offer advice, you are usually getting enough of that from other people but I will offer you a calm space, to reflect on what’s happening and what changes you would like to make. A place to be honest about your feelings, hopes and aspirations. A place to discover who you are and what brings you meaning and joy. If you wish to find out more about my services, please find my profile at the top right-hand side of this page.
